Introducing...Jesse Paradox

Time is shifting, and a new part of my life emerges!

Several years ago I began as a physics undergraduate and bondage model under the name Maya Paradox. Over the years as my life, gender identity, and ideas have evolved, I'm now a transmasculine genderqueer musician, workshop facilitator, academic author, and yes, still modeling, only this time my stage name is Jesse Paradox.

As a graduate student at JFK University, I am pulling my music career together while entering the role of instructor in the intersection of sexuality, gender, and consciousness. I have a new album, Frontier, for sale, as well as an article on genderqueer identity and indigenous ancestry that has been accepted and pending publishing in Witches and Pagans magazine for spring/summer 2013.

This website has morphed into a hub from which one can access all of the media and topics that I'm currently involved in.

So, welcome to the frontier!

Gender & Indigenous Culture

I had a long conversation yesterday with my friend Jodi. She definitely sees gender as binary, and refers to herself as a "two-spirit," which is an indigenous American term from a few tribes. It refers to what we would call people outside the gender binary and hetero orientation. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two-Spirit)

I really like the idea behind that for myself, but 1. I want to get away from the binary, and 2. I'm not native American.

So, I've been playing around with Polish combinations of words, just for the hell of it. I'm not sure if way way back in indigenous Slavic culture there was a place for "two-spirits," because my people were oral (hehe) until Christianity. So I'm going to start asking my dreams for answers. Until then, what do you think of the following combinations? I want to create a phrase or word that is relatively easy for non-Polish speakers to hear, or even write. Many Polish words are just way too complicated. And obviously, it's highly specific to me. I wouldn't call anyone else these terms.

The issue I'm having is that for myself I think of my "true self" as being beyond gender completely, or "other," but in terms of the social world, I enjoy playing with the contrast of masculine and feminine. So I'm not sure how to convey that with one phrase. Thus, the phrases I came up with fall into 2 categories:
The first conveys the primordial, androgynous, complete feeling.
The second conveys the unification of a binary, like "two spirit."

Dwadalej - two and beyond
Dużo dusz - many souls
Klejnot - Jewel
Z Ognia - from the fire


Primordial gender phrases:
"Cały razem" - all together
"Każdy razem" - every [thing] together
"Pierwszy pożar" - first fire

The gender binary phrases:
"Dwa razem" - two together
"Dwa duchy" - two spritis
"Dwa duszy" two souls

New, Upcoming Album

As I have recently written a brand new song, I realized that I now have enough material to produce a full album.

The only piece of equipment I am currently missing is a drumset, which I plan on renting out. So stay tuned, folks!

I'm currently brainstorming ideas for the album cover as well. I'm thinking a bleach white creepy angel in a really dismal post-apocalytpic setting.

A Letter to my Hetero Friends

Questions I frequently get asked:

"How do 2 girls have sex together?"

"When Lesbians dance, who takes the male lead, and who takes the female role?"

"Who's the 'guy' in your relationship?"

I don't get offended at these questions, but I often find myself shocked at the ignorance, and not really knowing how to respond. I think a lot of people just haven't been around queer folks, so I end up as the spokesperson, which is a bit ridiculous, because I can't speak for all queer folks. But I can speak to you about MY experience as a queer person, and answer all your questions with the following short piece of writing...

BELOW FIND YE THE ANSWER!!!!!!..............

There is no answer to these questions. Just by simply asking those questions means that you are attempting to take a mainstream hetero paradigm, and apply it to the queer one. It doesn't make sense. It's apples and oranges. It's like asking, "If I add up 2 and 3, what color do I get?"

In being hetero, there are established ways of doing things. There are ways to have sex, ways to dress, ways to date, ways to speak, or basically ways to relate to one another and to relate as a couple to society. And, there is a binary. There is "masculine," and "feminine," a top and a bottom, a giver and receiver.

In being queer, there are no rules. Because "queerness" is not accepted as valid in society, we have no history of established protocol on how to do things. There is no established way to have sex. There is no established way to dance. Thus, we make it up as we go along. It's incredibly liberating. We do what feels good, and that is going to be completely different for each individual. You can ask me what I do with my life, but I can't speak for anyone else.

"So you're bisexual?"

No.

What is "queer," you might ask...

When I have a girlfriend people assume I'm gay. When I have had boyfriends people assume I'm straight. This is odd to me. I call myself "queer," because it is vague. It allows me to be who I am, sometimes a woman, sometimes a man, sometimes a top, sometimes a bottom, sometimes goggly-gaggly-lala-woo-hoo. Sometimes I eschew all labels. Other times I like to play around with different labels and different roles. Underlying all of my fluid preferences, my Self is beyond all of it anyway.

For the sake of the ignorant, I am "bisexual." However, this term is becoming archaic (queer is now in vogue), and does not take into account trans folks. It is an inherently gender binary-focused term, so I don't call myself that.

Relating to the Body as a Bondage Model

It could be that becoming a bondage model and a submissive/masochist in general, was a way for me to get in better touch with my body!

Recently decided that I would start swimming again. Naturally, I'm someone who lives in their head all the time. This means that although let's face it, I'm brilliant, I tend to trip, walk into walls, and not notice people saying hello on the street. It also means that I've always felt disconnected from my body. It's something that brings me pleasure, pain, and I need to feed it every once in a while.

This is a great portion of reality though! I've realized the need in myself to live in physical reality more, but it's always been a struggle.

BDSM has been great in helping me live more somatically, since it requires a knowledge and awareness of the body (and where the mind, body, and soul connect). It begins primarily as a somatic experience. Knowing the body's boundaries, limits, and feeling the precise places and boundaries where a beating goes from "good" pain to "bad" pain requires one to live in the body. This is so important for people like me.

Just some thoughts!

~Maya