A Letter to my Hetero Friends

Questions I frequently get asked:

"How do 2 girls have sex together?"

"When Lesbians dance, who takes the male lead, and who takes the female role?"

"Who's the 'guy' in your relationship?"

I don't get offended at these questions, but I often find myself shocked at the ignorance, and not really knowing how to respond. I think a lot of people just haven't been around queer folks, so I end up as the spokesperson, which is a bit ridiculous, because I can't speak for all queer folks. But I can speak to you about MY experience as a queer person, and answer all your questions with the following short piece of writing...

BELOW FIND YE THE ANSWER!!!!!!..............

There is no answer to these questions. Just by simply asking those questions means that you are attempting to take a mainstream hetero paradigm, and apply it to the queer one. It doesn't make sense. It's apples and oranges. It's like asking, "If I add up 2 and 3, what color do I get?"

In being hetero, there are established ways of doing things. There are ways to have sex, ways to dress, ways to date, ways to speak, or basically ways to relate to one another and to relate as a couple to society. And, there is a binary. There is "masculine," and "feminine," a top and a bottom, a giver and receiver.

In being queer, there are no rules. Because "queerness" is not accepted as valid in society, we have no history of established protocol on how to do things. There is no established way to have sex. There is no established way to dance. Thus, we make it up as we go along. It's incredibly liberating. We do what feels good, and that is going to be completely different for each individual. You can ask me what I do with my life, but I can't speak for anyone else.

"So you're bisexual?"

No.

What is "queer," you might ask...

When I have a girlfriend people assume I'm gay. When I have had boyfriends people assume I'm straight. This is odd to me. I call myself "queer," because it is vague. It allows me to be who I am, sometimes a woman, sometimes a man, sometimes a top, sometimes a bottom, sometimes goggly-gaggly-lala-woo-hoo. Sometimes I eschew all labels. Other times I like to play around with different labels and different roles. Underlying all of my fluid preferences, my Self is beyond all of it anyway.

For the sake of the ignorant, I am "bisexual." However, this term is becoming archaic (queer is now in vogue), and does not take into account trans folks. It is an inherently gender binary-focused term, so I don't call myself that.

Relating to the Body as a Bondage Model

It could be that becoming a bondage model and a submissive/masochist in general, was a way for me to get in better touch with my body!

Recently decided that I would start swimming again. Naturally, I'm someone who lives in their head all the time. This means that although let's face it, I'm brilliant, I tend to trip, walk into walls, and not notice people saying hello on the street. It also means that I've always felt disconnected from my body. It's something that brings me pleasure, pain, and I need to feed it every once in a while.

This is a great portion of reality though! I've realized the need in myself to live in physical reality more, but it's always been a struggle.

BDSM has been great in helping me live more somatically, since it requires a knowledge and awareness of the body (and where the mind, body, and soul connect). It begins primarily as a somatic experience. Knowing the body's boundaries, limits, and feeling the precise places and boundaries where a beating goes from "good" pain to "bad" pain requires one to live in the body. This is so important for people like me.

Just some thoughts!

~Maya

Is it possible to be original?

Is it possible for a human being to produce something original, and if not, what is the closest we can get to pure originality?

To be purely original necessitates a lack of influence from one's prior experience. Thus, in order to embark on this goal, one must first produce a new language to express the original idea. If one uses an already established vehicle of expression, such as words or mathematics, to express the idea, then the idea, however original it may be, will be churned out as some permutation of symbols we are already familiar with. True, we may not have seen that particular conglomeration of symbols before, but if the very vehicle of expression is not original, then how can the idea itself be original?

An original idea requires an equally original vehicle of expression. We already have words, mathematics, and to some extent music. Word express out lived experience, math expresses amounts of space and time, and music expresses feeling or emotions.

If we are to create a whole new language, we first need to figure out what exactly it is that we might want to express. Concepts, argument,s emotions, amounts, these are all things we are currently able to express using our established vehicles of expression, such as words, mathematics, and music? What else in the universe yearns to be expressed? Once we can pinpoint that, then we can develop a symbolic system to express that experience, and from that truly create an original idea or art.

Possibilities:

peak experiences

psychedelic experiences

that nagging spiritual feeling that there is MORE

intuition

ESP

meditation

dreams

Lewbaricon Approaches!

I sincerely hope that everyone will check out Lew Ruben's hot and awesome bondage workshop, Lewbaricon! Check it out: http://www.lewbaricon.com/lewbariSF

The last Lewbaricon I attended was in August, which I helped to organize and coordinate. We held this bondage tutorial workshop in the woods in Sonoma wine country. Gorgeous weather, kinky people, in a cute, funky little camping area out in the woods - it was heaven!

Lew is an excellent instructor. Both articulate and organized, he starts with the very basics, and he doesn't move on to more complex rope ties until every single person in the group has each step down. No one gets left behind. The workshop is a nice environment of learning, socializing with other kinksters, and relaxing. So sign up, and become a rope expert like Lew!

Masochism & Mysticism!

So, I'm thinking of putting together a workshop at the San Francisco Citadel called "The Sacred Inferno." It would be an intense plunge into the depths, splitting into the cracks of the shadow, exploring the energetic, spiritual realms of sexuality through active conversation and contemplation. Each workshop will begin and culminate in a guided inward meditation, and otherwise be a group discussion where we discuss various topics relating to sexuality and spirituality.

"What is consciousness & sexuality?" you may ask!

*Coming to a more integrative understanding of our psychospiritual selves through exploring our sexuality

*Finding healing in the sexual realm

*Learning to engage our sexuality through consciousness expansion & awareness

See, in the BDSM community, there is a vibe of hedonism. People do things for pleasure, but never question why they do the paradoxial pleasure-pain activities we love. Perhaps it's because they have to defend themselves constantly to friends and family who discover their perversions. I think it's time we gather our thoughts and discuss the empowerment and catharsis that arises from our BDSM experiences!

So stay tuned. I will probably start these workshops in April. It'll be a monthly event.